Did you know, according to Jezebel, that it is The Year of the Clean Person? For many years, my friends and I would make a theme for the year that would be our guide, like “The Year of the Smart Cocktail” where we would go out of our way to add extra ingredients to regular booze. Here are some activities I am also going to partake in this month and maybe you will join me, gather round, kittens:ġ.

Lock up your chickens, I might be getting some ideas. I actually think I am witch, my super power is manthrax. I’m going to be watching “American Horror Story Coven” in one sitting and I’m scared already. Of course carry on with your usual winter activities like power-watching tv with back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-infinity episodes of your favourite shows even if it does have a deleterious affect on your life. I’ve got some ideas I will share with you. That deep freeze was pretty crippling but now that it’s warmed up to icy slush outside, it’s time to shake things up. What goes in the green bin? I am afraid to know but happy to report that the baby is healthy and very, very cute. Polar baby was two weeks overdue because warm womb is like Turks and Caicos and why would you want to come out? Interesting though, is a home birth. But a real baby was born IN MY DOWNSTAIRS APARTMENT. Highlights of January included: My annual physical concluded that that blobby thing in my belly button is not an alien fetus but a petite hernia, not to worry, it’s gross but harmless. The lady at the gym who is proudly maintaining her thigh gap but wearing a Snuggli in spin class might die from hypothermia in the parking lot but I will reign as Queen of the Polar Vortex, so what if my bra broke and just flew across the room? Roar. I have fattened up quite a bit during that cold snap but I am grateful for the extra layer because I am a survivor, bitches. That’s the beauty of Nature, it’s so intuitive, it bestows you with your own flesh version of a bulky Canada Goose jacket. I may or may not be wearing a bra, I can’t tell, I am numb from a layer of warming blubber.

I am no longer wearing grey sweatpants, they are too formal…I am wearing stained (!) pyjama bottoms and an Old Navy tshirt.

I have completely forgotten how to wardrobe.

It’s February now so let’s everybody get out of this frozen funk, shall we?

My boyfriend barfed in my handbag